A reminder that it isn't over.

 Today my heart has lead me to discuss reminiscing and nightmares with you. God is telling me someone needs to know they are not alone and to also mention my friend who has never left my side; God!

I remember when I was little, my sister and I use to play in our plastic swimming pool. We moved it under our slide attached to a swing set to create our own water pool slide.  And I remember a black horse that use to chase us around our yard when we had a piece of candy. I guess the horse had a sweet tooth. Oh, on the warm summer nights the family use to get together for a cookout, not forgetting the marsh-mellow roast. You understand the beauty of reminiscing. How many smiles each thought brings to your face. Then there are the nightmares. I have grown to believe it is a way for your brain to trick you into depression. My brother used to mentally torment me. He use to use me for a sexual cuppie doll. Strip every emotional part of me down to nothing. Then my grandmother's boyfriend abused me sexually. The worst part was the fact that me and my grandmother seemed to be close, even though in this situation she blamed it on me. I can't tell you why things happen the way they do. All I can do is let you know about me. Ever since I was six years old I was sexually abused. Social workers, case workers and family members would tell me I would never amount to anything. It seemed like I always had the odds stacked against me.

But now! Now there is today. To be able to know God. He has replaced anyone I have ever reached out to in the flesh. On Wednesday March 3, 2010, listening to his guidance, I will be two years into sobriety. No 12 steps.

I know your nightmarish ordeals may haunt you. The Love of God can take the hurt away and get you motivated, like he has done for me. Monsters may do to you what they want. God's Love, excepted by you, can take the hurt away. So if this pertains to your life please know you were not the only one to endure these pains. With the strength of your heart and the Love of God you (we) will get through this.

Vickey Boyles